Problem gambling affects the gambler, but it also potentially impacts the people around them - their families, friends, and sometimes even co-workers. There are no hard and fast rules for minimizing that impact, but here are some suggestions for ensuring that the way you respond is thoughtful, compassionate and productive:
Some "Dos" and "Don'ts" for Partners, Friends, or Family Members
Do
- Seek the support of others with similar problems; attend a self-help group for families such as Gam-Anon.
- Recognize your partner's good qualities and any attempts they make to curb their gambling.
- Remain calm when speaking to the person with a gambling disorder.
- Let them know that you are seeking help for yourself and it's ok to let them know how their gambling is affecting you (and possibly children).
- Explain problem gambling to children and help them recognize activities that may mimic gambling such as opening “ loot bags” or “packs” in popular video games.
- Understand the need for treatment for problem gambling and that it may take time. Regular gambling changes brain chemistry and makes it harder to stop.
- Set clear boundaries in managing money; take control of family finances; review all bank and credit card statements.
- Try to speak to a mental health professional to discuss local referral resources such as certified gambling counselors or intensive treatment programs in your community.
Don't
- Treat the gambler as someone who is immoral or simply makes poor choices – Gambling disorders can affect anyone!
- Preach, lecture, or allow yourself to lose control of your anger.
- Exclude the gambler from family life and activities.
- Expect immediate recovery, or that all problems will be resolved when the gambling stops.
- Rescue or enable the gambler.
Helping a family member recover from a gambling problem involves consistent support and understanding. Try to stay positive and recognize that recovery can be a long and challenging journey. Celebrate every step forward, no matter how small. These moments of progress, even if they seem insignificant, can be significant motivators for a person with a gambling problem.
Stay educated about gambling addiction. Understanding the nature of the problem can provide insights into why certain behaviors occur and how best to address them. There are some great resources available online, in books, and through support groups. Reviewing these resources regularly can equip you with the knowledge to better support your loved one.
Encourage participation in gambling support groups. These groups can provide a sense of community and belonging, which is crucial during recovery. They offer a space where individuals can share their experiences and learn from others who have faced similar challenges. Support groups for family members can also be beneficial, as they offer guidance on how to best support your loved one while also taking care of your own emotional health.
It's important to encourage healthy family activities that can serve as alternatives to gambling. Suggest hobbies or interests that the individual enjoys or might find fulfilling. Physical activities like running, yoga, or team sports can be great outlets for stress and provide a positive focus. Creative pursuits such as painting, writing, or music can also be therapeutic.
Maintaining a structured daily routine can help your loved one manage their time more effectively and reduce the temptation to gamble. Work together to create a schedule that includes work or school commitments, hobbies, exercise, and relaxation time. Consistency can bring a sense of normalcy and stability, which is beneficial for someone in recovery.
Discuss, monitor and address any triggers that may lead to gambling. Triggers can be emotional, such as stress or boredom, or situational, like being around others who gamble or having access to gambling venues. Help your loved one identify these triggers and develop strategies to cope with or avoid them. For instance, if stress is a trigger, finding healthy stress-relief methods like meditation or deep breathing exercises can be helpful.
Communication remains key throughout the recovery process. Keep the lines of communication open, and continue to provide a non-judgmental space for discussions about feelings, challenges, and progress. This ongoing dialogue can strengthen your relationship and provide the necessary support for overcoming obstacles.
Be prepared for setbacks. Recovery from a gambling problem is rarely a straight path. There may be times when your loved one struggles or relapses. It's crucial to approach these setbacks with patience and understanding rather than frustration or anger. Offer support and encouragement to get back on track and remind them of the progress they have made so far.
Involvement in financial management can also play a role in recovery. Assist your loved one in developing responsible financial habits, such as budgeting, saving, and avoiding unnecessary expenses. This not only helps in regaining financial stability but also teaches valuable life skills that can prevent future gambling-related issues.
Rebuilding trust within the family is an essential part of the recovery process. This can take time and requires effort from all parties involved. Consistent, honest communication and follow-through on commitments are fundamental. Demonstrating reliability and integrity helps in restoring faith and mending relationships.
Professional counseling can be highly beneficial not only for the individual struggling with gambling but also for family members. A therapist can provide strategies for managing emotions, improving communication, and rebuilding trust. Family counseling sessions can help everyone involved understand the impact of the gambling problem and work together towards a healthier dynamic.
Encourage your loved one to set personal goals outside of gambling. Whether these goals are related to career advancement, education, health, or personal growth, having something positive to strive towards can provide motivation and a sense of purpose. Support them in achieving these goals and celebrate their successes along the way.
Perhaps most importantly, ensure you are taking care of your own well-being. Supporting a family member with a gambling problem can be emotionally exhausting. Seek out your own sources of support, such as friends, family, or a support group for families dealing with gambling addiction. Practicing self-care enables you to provide better support to your loved one without neglecting your own needs.
